There is an art to living which I, amongst most beings, are delicately navigating the balance of. The struggle of the head versus the heart. The past conditioning of our subconscious minds pulling at us, sometimes screaming at us to keep us safe, to think that control is real and with it will come the relief, the safety we seek.
But the mind is fickle. The mind creates a disconnect and blocks truth from flooding into our bodies, to know our very divine essence. To listen to our hearts and hear the pull of our soul in our bodies and then act from that place of knowing, is the art. That is what I seek, to trust and soften. But it feels incredibly uncomfortable to be in the liminal spaces, the unknown in-between.
I am learning to navigate this dance of trust (not so) eloquently. I am learning that life is always going to give us what we need, not necessarily what we want. And it will continue to throw curveballs no matter how much we think we know, no matter the grip we think we have of the softball around our fingers. We can seek guidance, we can think we have the ultimate answer. But there is never one answer or one predetermined outcome. It’s being consistently created and altered with an emergence between fate, destiny, chance, and creation. Co-creation with spirit. But spirit has a plan bigger than us, and is always two steps ahead and infinitely wiser than we are.
Oh, how uncomfortable it is to know that truth and yet, to harmonize and surrender to that flow. The glimpses are magical, of openhearted surrender and faith in the divine plan.
And that’s the magic of life and what we strive towards. But then there’s the day-to-day reality of past patterning and our minds creating catastrophe and chaos in our beings right here, right now.
Some of us are so afraid of the crumbling, of the distruction, that we inadvertently create it cyclically until we can affirm “I knew that would happen.” The harsh endings seem familiar, a comforting old feeling that we continue to perpetuate, to bring to the surface after a period of calm. The opportunity to heal the need to self-destruct. Where is that button, that network of neurons that are asking to be re-circuted. The path of desire to feel ease and peace but somehow creating that which is unwanted.
Lately, I’ve been faced with the unplanned purging of things that are not serving me, the universe bringing the darkness to the light to let go, shed, and rebirth new seeds of creation more aligned with my dharma. I’ve been asked to surrender into the trusting of — “what’s meant for me will not pass me by.”
To examine the things I’ve so conveniently buried under a pile of idle complacency. Preparing to end, preparing to leave. A need to detoxify, emotionally, physically, and mentally. To embody destruction, honor the cycles of life, and welcome in the scorpionic energy entering my field.
There’s the wake-up call that no matter how much we think we have a grasp on life, ultimately we don’t, and that is the hardest challenge for us humans to accept. Rumi said it best in my card pull this morning, “You’re becoming comfortable with the reality that the price of being closer to the Divine is the giving up your need to always understand.”
Oh, mind. I see how you want to understand but you truly cannot grasp what the heart and feelings know. The mind’s words are fickle in comparison.
This leads me to the divine dance of surrender and trusting my feelings. For us empaths, we are so used to switching off and ignoring our own feelings as we had to shut them down in order to protect ourselves from feeling so much. We became numb and complacent, and people pleasers so we didn’t rock the boat. Because we know our feelings to have been a burden to us, in a society so blocked of true expression.
When the mind and the heart are in harmony, in sync, we then become balanced and free of blockages. When we see true authenticity in physical form, our souls shine in admiration.
“This oracle comes with special guidance for you. If you are uncertain about an issue in your life, be at peace. There is divine healing that can occur most readily in the unknowing. Follow the sacred honoring ritual and know that all is indeed well, beloved soul. Perhaps you are journeying very deep indeed, and your allegiance to your intellectual mind is softening in favor of allegiance to your heart-knowing.”
Blessing of al-hakim, Rumi deck
The softening. Patience. The Aries in me will have none of that. My need to know, and to act, sometimes with the sharpness of a razorblade, is strong and forthcoming. But the gift, the glory and magic is found in the liminal spaces, where I am currently. The surrender into the divine unknowing and trust of my intuition. To feel safe in my body and in my ability to intuitively discern what is right for me. To be shining a light on the darkness within, examining, instead of avoiding, is more than half the battle.
“The fire in your belly is a beautiful aspect of you. Just let it be the breath that swirls around and through the heart that ignites it, not the passing huffing and puffing of the impatient mind. For when the fire in the belly is fanned by the breath of your heart, you shall have peace and dynamic movement, restful stillness and soul-inspired action, all at once. You shall become one with the living holy paradox, and the healing power of your love shall know no bounds.
The higher wisdom of the sages, of Rumi, my higher self, and spirit, will continue to be there lighting the dim path as I continue to ask questions. They keep bringing me back to me. Liberation is found within, but how? It’s all of the above and more. We must ask the question to get the answer but sometimes the answers are meant to be discovered and revealed in the most perfect divine way. Our timing is not spirits timing and spirits timing is always perfect. So I write this as an intention to trust myself, to surrender, to smile at the signs, and to ultimately let go the need to control.
I release control, and surrender to the flow, of love that will heal me.