I didn’t realize how uncomfortable disappointment was to sit with until had no choice to examine it closely. They say, there’s nothing like a week with your family to test how “spiritual” of a person you really are. And it couldn’t ring more true for me these past few weeks. It isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and it’s important for me to share how to move through life’s most complicated emotions as I am doing so myself, to be able to clear space for joy and creation and transform disappointment into peace.
My intention is not to blame, to point fingers, to embarrass, or to judge. It’s to use my practice of self-study and share that with the world on the golden takeaways. To share the message, not the mess.
Because the truth is, life is complicated. It’s unfair, but I do believe ultimately out of hardship comes a huge opportunity for growth. My impatience wants to hurry up and get over it, but the truth is being let down by people close to you consistently isn’t an easy feeling and leaves me with a grey perspective on life, even when I try to forget about it. And it’s a lonely realization that you literally only have yourself to rely on. To pick yourself up, and keep going.
I am a peacekeeper by nature. Enneagram number 9 (shared with Obama!) and my intention is to bring harmony and connection to people’s lives, especially those close to me. But when you try and fail, and realize you can’t change someone’s perspective if they are unable to accept any responsibility for their actions while empathizing with other people, there’s nothing you can really do. You can’t put rose-colored glasses on a blind (wo)man and expect him / her to see.
There’s a point when you have to protect yourself from borderline caretaking co-dependent behavior. The realization you can only meet people where they’re at. And that their problems, their anger, their negativity is never personal. It is not easy, so I’ve been reminded of more than ever.
Here’s what I’ve found helps to genuinely transform disappointment into peace and clear your energy.
Let It Out, Let It Go
Feeling shitty turns into stuck energy in the body. When I’m out of alignment, I feel dense stuck energy in my heart space. It’s like a weight that sits there until you say hello to it and welcome it in for tea. It sounds counterintuitive, but the feelings just want to be felt.
So, sit in silence with yourself and connect. Whether that’s on the bathroom floor, in nature, or somewhere else, find a door, close it, and let it out.
Crying is a great release. Let yourself cry until you have no more tears. Don’t you dare for a second think crying is a sign of weakness. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re weak. You’re allowed to be hurt, and you’re showing yourself compassion by expressing your emotions.
Screaming is another wonderful release. Or even just making noises to expel energy. How often do we yell with just ourselves? It’s much healthier to do this alone or than at another person. Get freaky with yourself so you can stay calm in the midst of chaos with others.
My favorite thing to do is go to the spot where the waves are crashing so no one can really hear you and just LET IT TF OUT! The seagulls won’t judge you so much as you judge yourself. Check out my video on How To Reset Emotionally in 60 Seconds for a quick mediation that works in a pinch.
First, with yourself. Befriend yourself and connect with the part of yourself who is disappointed. Yeah, it sucks. Say, “I see and accept you fully.” “I’m here for you.” Have a conversation with yourself in the way you would talk to a friend.
Do not take responsibility for the actions of other people, and allow yourself to spiral downward into victimhood. Realizing life isn’t always fair, and we don’t always deserve unfortunate situations created by other people’s ego illusions.
First, by giving yourself compassion and then extending that compassion to other people sets you free of judgment. I’m right, they’re wrong. Who cares. In the grand scheme of life, we don’t get any merit or reward for being right. Other than our egos being satisfied temporarily. If only we got a gold coin for every time we’re right that we can redeem at the arcade. That would be at least a little fun.
If you can see that everyone can only meet you to the extent of where they’ve met themselves, you set yourself free. The journey of healing is challenging and long, and you can’t blame others for not wanting to shine a light on their dark spots. Realize this is their coping mechanism for the life they have created.
Believe everyone is doing the best they can, with the tools they have. And remove yourself from taking it personally. It’s hard, but the gateway to transcending above the shit.
Going back to co-dependency and wanting to make things harmonious, and realizing you when you can’t, there has to come a point of acceptance and release. Accepting what you can’t change, and accepting yourself through the disappointment will free you from it.
Mantra for acceptance: “I accept what I cannot change. I accept others fully for who they are. And I love myself enough to let it go.”
Choose to focus on what brings you joy and keeps you aligned. If that triggers other people, so be it. Don’t take it personally, as stated in the The Four Agreements.
If you can accept where others are at, and trust in a divine plan, you can completely surrender it and let it go.
I have to accept that I will continue to be disappointed—that it is a part of life, part of being a human. I also have to accept that I will probably continue to struggle to accept this fact, at various points throughout the rest of my life!
This step is a lifelong challenge and fundamental to dealing with disappointment. I will be disappointed, I will disappoint, you will be disappointed, and you will disappoint. Life will be disappointing—but it will pass.
Practice acceptance and we may suffer less as it is happening and notice the good things in life more.
All parts of life can help us grow. We can be present and aware even in the midst of negative emotions and therefore live more fully.
Now, we can resume to a neutral space and create. Hopefully, this post has helped you transform disappointment into peace. Check out my post on The Game Of Life & How To Play It if you haven’t yet.
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